sunnuntai 20. helmikuuta 2011

The most annoying airplane passengers Top 10

10. The illiterates.
These people obviously either don't know how to read or think rules don't apply to them. They start sorting out the liquids and the tweezers and getting their laptops out at the X-ray machine only when the security guy tells them to. Read the plaque, fool!

9. The deafs.
Also a classic passenger type, usually presenting themselves on the plane. You know the situation, the stewardess makes the announcement after the seatbelt sign goes off: "Please remain in your seats with the seatbelt fastened." Immediately after that you hear the clicks of people opening their seatbelts. This species also spends most of the flight loitering in the aisle. These are also the people who are still talking on their cell phones during takeoff and need to use the bathroom only during heavy turbulence or meal serving. If you hear an announcement with instructions, these guys usually act the opposite.

8. Families
Sorry moms and dads, everyone understands you, but nobody likes to have your screaming kid on their flight. Not even other moms and dads. It's a loud, unnerving sound. You can't expect people to like it. Families also tend to scatter their stuff all over the place. Bags, diapers, blankets, toys. And if they're not scattered by the parents, the older kid will take care of it and throw someone in the head with them. And yeah, I know, some day it can be my screaming kid.

7. The Tax Free enthusiasts.
These people buy souvenirs for EVERYone. They have booze, chocolates (of which they eat some on the way home), candy, perfumes (which they also wear in excess) and other little things that "you just can't buy at home". They will also get some additional items from the tax free cart later during the flight. If they sit in the aisle seat and you by the window, you will surely be the last one exiting the plane after they get all their stuff together. 

6. The leaners.
Passengers next to you aren't the only ones who can be a nuisance. I mean, just try and enjoy your meal when the front seat is in your lap. When leaners return to their reclined seats they crash into it so hard your drink spills everywhere. The leaner is usually also deaf because they won't put the seat in the upright position even during landing.

5. The "We're all gonna die!" guy.
I'm dead scared of spiders so I do sympathize with people who are afraid of flying. But if you fly anyway, please remember to take your meds. Nothing is more unnerving on a plane than a person who fidgets constantly, chews his nails, goes on an on about the mechanical features of the plane or jumps at every noise the aircraft makes. I've actually heard "We're going down" uttered on a plane once. We didn't. It was the landing gear. (After 9/11 this type has also gotten a new subspecies: the paranoid "That guy has to be a terrorist" guy.)

4. The one with a bladder problem who never takes the aisle seat.
Rest assured, the ones with the most active bodily functions always take the window seat. You will get a good stretching exercise getting up and down every time this person has to use the bathroom. These creatures usually appear on very long flights.

3. The farters.
This is pretty much everyone. Don't try and tell me you haven't done it, it's physically impossible on a plane. Being in the air makes you... well, get air. This was confirmed to me by a stewardess. On long flights when they keep the pantry curtain closed for a while and then open it again the crew smells three things: food, feet and farts.

2. The drunks.
These guys are an excellent reason to avoid both Finnish vacation charter flights and cheap airlines everywhere. Especially when the drinks are free it seems these people feel an obligation to guzzle down the whole cart. And even when the drinks are not free the drunks have usually taken their opportunity at the airport. In Helsinki-Vantaa airport you can see the charter passengers taking their first beers at the bar at 6 am. Then they just bring the party onboard. Or even better, the fight. Not to mention their wonderful signature smell that oozes from them every time they turn to you to tell a reeeeaally funny joke.

1. The clappers.
You don't clap when your dentist cures your cavities, you don't applaude your hairdresser when they cut your hair and you don't clap when the guy at the cash register gives you the correct change, so why the f**k do you clap when a plane lands?? It's 2011, most of the planes have landed safely for decades. These days the most understandable cause for applause at an airport is either a) when you get bumped up to business class or b) when your baggage arrives after two or more connecting flights (or at the Charles de Gaulle airport). And it would even make more sense to clap to the dentist, because THE PILOTS CAN'T HEAR YOU!

6 kommenttia:

  1. Sini, this just made my day. Hope you´re doing well on your journeys despite the unnerving passengers...
    cheers, mara

    VastaaPoista
  2. LOVE the bit about the clappers.
    This is a worthy topic for a top10 list in general :)

    VastaaPoista
  3. Brilliant! Best thing I've read all day. And oh so very true!

    VastaaPoista
  4. Sadly I resemble a few of these flyers... Great entry!

    VastaaPoista
  5. Clapping is insulting. Clappers doesn't believe that pilots can do their job. I might clap if pilot makes The Immelman, High G Barrel Roll or Split S.

    VastaaPoista
  6. I am the illiterate by protest. Security rules are too extreme.

    VastaaPoista